As a die-hard Baltimore Ravens fan, certainly Id like to ease into a 5-year, 40-million dollar deal with my boys in purple (though blue better complements my skin tone). Seattle Mariners Jerseys . The club has a need at starting left tackle — with Eugene Monroe potentially on the move — and the entire offensive line is in disarray. Still, I tell myself, Ive got to stay open to possibilities. So Ive hired an agent. He keeps insisting hes not the type of agent Im seeking, and really wants me to check out a fully furnished 2-bedroom condo he wont stop talking about. His name is Gary Maguire and theres just something exciting about him. Maybe its the crazy look in his eyes. Maybe its that he keeps repeating "help me, help you". Whatever it is, he really gets me: Maguire: You dont look like an NFL player.Gallay: I get that a lot.Maguire: Not sure youre even muscular enough to be an NFL fan.Gallay: Im going to put my clothes back on.Maguire: Shouldnt you declare for the draft first—not free agency?Gallay: Theres too much running at the Scouting Combine. Not my strong suit.Maguire: So how am I going to pitch you to NFL front offices? What are your skills?Gallay: Im tenacious. Im focused. I cant catch a football, but I can clumsily swat at other people playing football. My wife says Im in the way a lot, so I plan on using that to my advantage. Im also dangerously delusional. (I hand him a doctors note.)Maguire: Fine. Ive seen more done with less. Lets talk staging. After discussing mortgage pre-approval for some reason, he and I come up with a plan. He explains to me how most NFL offensive linemen are well over six feet tall, roughly 300-350 pounds, a decade younger than me, and likely had a successful college career followed by some prior success in the NFL. I explain to him that Im not like other people. We settle on agreeing Im a maverick and get to work. "First, you need to put on 165 pounds." I tell him no problem, I did it once, I can do it again. He advises me Ill have to do it in under 35 years this time. Ideally hed like me to hit the target weight by mid-afternoon. Im on it, I holler, through large bites of tofurkey. He stops me as I head towards the bathroom, reminding me I cant afford to lose any weight today. "Next, you need to grow five inches, possibly seven." I explain to him that my whole allure is quarterbacks will have no problem seeing over top of me. Of the other significant O-line free agents, Branden Albert is 65. So is Eugene Monroe. And Rodger Saffold. Jared Veldheer is 68! My shortness and poor posture is EXACTLY how Im gonna differentiate myself from those terrifying brutes! Maguire is unconvinced, so I grudgingly step into the medieval stretching machine he found on Kijiji. It smells of pine wood and suffering, which Im told is exactly what Vince Lombardis station wagon smelled like. "Your hands are too small. Left tackles have huge mitts." Thats the least of my worries, I explain, as I wrap 50 yards of tape to my left hand. Well just tell coaches I have a sprained thumb and I should be better in 2-4 years. Everyone in the NFL is nursing an injury. Shows Im tough. "What about your embarrassing lack of football knowledge and acumen? You just called a touchdown a Pass-The-Liney-Scorey." Ill give it to Maguire, hes asking all the right questions. I explain how I consume 8 hours of NFL Network every day, a claim which seems to impress him. Also, Im able to name four other offensive linemen, none of them John Madden, which is more than 98% of football fans. (To be fair, since nobody knows their names, Maguire cant verify if Richie Incognito is an actual human being.) "Last thing. What do we do about your, um, advanced age?" No problem, I tell him. Im going to change my name to Stanislav Gomez, a young Cuban defector. (I figure if Oscar Isaac, a multi-talented Cuban-Guatemalan, can play a spot-on pasty neurotic Jew in Inside Llewyn Davis, surely I can do the opposite.) We both nod in unison, followed by an enthusiastic slow clap. Time to show me the money, Maguire. He advises me to not say anything else until Ive contacted a copyright attorney. And here we are, Tuesday, March 11, the opening salvo for NFL free agency. I see that Alterraun Verner my fellow hot commodity free agent has been tweeting bible verses to me (and all his followers) for the past several hours. My Verner Mountain Dog, what a joker! Gosh, I hope we land on the same team. Anyway, I better tweet him back before he gets worried. Also, I better get some rest (Im super fat now). Whatever happens, Im not worried. Its like my dad has always told me, worst comes to worst you fall back on your education. Thank goodness I got that Division I degree in sports anthropology. (Maguire knows a guy who knows a guy who is gonna get me a diploma.) Gonna be a big year. Gallays Poll #2 Which situation would be the best fit for Gallay? a) A multi-year deal with his favourite organization, the Baltimore Ravens (said every Steeler fan).b) Drawing five-pointed stars hoping the Devil shows up offering a deal.c) Pulling out of free agency until 2015 to realize all his goals in intramural soccer baseball.d) Discussing his dosage level with a trained professional. Hisashi Iwakuma Jersey . With a win tonight, Buehrle will match Yankees ace Masahiro Tanaka for the most wins in the majors with 11. Buehrle is 10-4 with a 2.32 earned run average, but has lost his last three starts, including a 7-3 setback at Yankee Stadium last Wednesday. Custom Seattle Mariners Jerseys . -- After a year spent travelling the world, Brooks Koepka suddenly is in a position to play a lot more golf at home.ENGLEWOOD, Colo. - NFL fans and fantasy football owners debating Peyton Mannings prowess and problems can continue that discussion well into the new year.The five-time MVP says he plans to return to the Denver Broncos in 2015 for an 18th NFL season.Manning was asked during his weekly news conference Wednesday if there were a set of circumstances that would lead him to retire after the upcoming playoffs.I have not thought about those circumstances at all, Manning replied. So, I certainly plan on being back, if the Broncos will have me. But at this point, Im kind of thinking about Oakland.A win over the Raiders (3-12) on Sunday would earn the Broncos (11-4) a first-round bye.Manning said he knows talk this time of year turns to the coaching carousel and I get to fall into that category because maybe Im closer to the same age as some of the coaches. But yeah, I have no plans along those lines. Im enjoying playing and looking forward to Sundays game and the game to follow that.Manning, 38, is trying to supplant his boss, Broncos GM John Elway, as the oldest QB to win a Super Bowl.But first, hes trying to bounce back from a poor performance in Denvers 37-28 loss Monday night at Cincinnati, where he threw four interceptions for the sixth time in his career.Although the Broncos have down-shifted their high-octane offence over the past several weeks to work on a better ground game, Manning has thrown just five TD passes to go with six interceptions in the past month.Thats sparked a debate over whether time is finally catching up to Manning despite his posting a 39-12 record following spinal fusion surgery in 2011.With every interception, the debate grows in both traditional and social media over his age, health and even his credentials.Yeah, thats probably a little deeper than I can handle, Manning said. ... But the ones the other night were a combination of bad throws and bad decisions. ... I take a lot of pride in trying to be an accurate quarterback and trying to be disciplined in my decision making. So, I didnt play up to my standards the other night and certainly on those four particular plays, Ive got to do a better jobb. Jarrod Dyson Jersey. Im not sure how old you are has (anything) to do with it. You can be 22 and throw a ball behind a guy, youre probably going to get intercepted.Manning is in some ways a victim of his own greatness. In his first 43 regular-season games in a Broncos uniform, Manning averaged 27 completions per game for 318 yards. Over his past four, hes averaged 18 completions for 224 yards. His TD rate has fallen from 2.68 per game to 1.25, and his interception rate has more than doubled from .69 to 1.5.Coach John Fox issued an impassioned defence of his quarterback this week, saying, if you look at the meaningful statistics as it relates to quarterback, I think hes probably in the top five in the National Football League, which were pleased with.Manning leads the NFL with 39 TD passes and his 102.9 passer rating and 4,454 yards passing both rank fourth.And hes done it despite Julius Thomas six-week TD slump, Wes Welkers drastic drop in production and a jumbled O-line thats not given him enough time or space to step into his throws.Although his teammates fully expected it, Mannings pronouncement Wednesday was met with glee.Eighteens back, were back! running back C.J. Anderson said. Naw, I just think hes got a lot to prove. I dont know if Peyton pays attention to that. But I just know if someones talking bad about me almost every week, I would want to come back and show you guys wrong.Cornerback Chris Harris Jr. said he anticipates Manning playing beyond 2015.I expect him to play out his whole deal, Harris said. Even if we win the Super Bowl, I see Peyton coming back still because we would pretty much have everybody back.Manning is due $19 million salaries in both 2015 and 16.Notes: RB Ronnie Hillman was a full participant in practice for the first time since he sprained his left foot Nov. 9. ... S T.J. Ward (neck) was limited. ... Anderson apologized for his terse postgame interview in which he answered every question with a version of: We played terrible. Weve got to get better. He said he should have cooled off before speaking with reporters.___AP NFL website: www.pro32.ap.org and www.twitter.com/AP_NFL